CONQUER THE CLIMB: Bringing up and Being true to yourself

 

 

I was walking by the uniformly designed lush green pathway. Amidst the kaleidoscope of playground sounds, surrounded by the lively buzz of children's voices filled with chaotic symphony of giggles, whispers, and exclamations, I almost lost track of my agenda.

I found myself navigating through a maze of words, trying to decipher the chatter and miserably failed.

I reached the staff room and patiently waited for the teacher to come. It was 7:45 am and there was a swarm of adolescent children discussing answers, memorizing physics keywords and so on. My son had been sick the previous week and I had to submit a letter for his health-related absence.

As the teacher entered the classroom area, a bunch of kids ran towards her for clarification of various answers to questions. “Hi mam”, exclaimed one, “Dude! Go spank yourself da! I told you that was the answer!”, said another one.

While I was already lost in the earlier web of words, I found myself jolted to see that the habit of wishing a teacher “Good morning” no more existed. Chuck the morning greeting, children were not even courteous enough to smile when a teacher walked past them.

What could possibly be the reason.., I wondered. Did the teacher not command enough respect? Did students think it was silly to wish? Do parents talk ill about teachers in front of children? Do children think they are already above everyone? Well.., I was shell-shocked. That’s all I can say.

While I was talking to the teacher (it was my turn now),  I could see many impatient faces, their fidgety and unsettled movements, waiting to talk to her as well. I felt a little unpleasant. I remembered our school days and tried hard to recollect if this impatience existed back then. Well, NO.

What causes Impatience—Stress? What causes Stress—?   

Is school atmosphere the reason for this? Are peer influences the reason for this? Are cosmopolitan environment exposures causing this?  

My experience says, it is the BRINGING UP!

REWIND--- PLAY

A little bundle of joy enters our lives (unless you think your new project has arrived).

That soft touch melts your heart.

A nice new routine sets in.

A tiny wail wakes you up every now and then.

A delicate stroke with those tender hands lightens you up.

Yes..! You are a parent now! The child in you should transform into a parent of duty and love.

The birth of a child isn’t the start of a new animal to be tamed or a new project to be made a future package.

                                

                            CHALLENGES IN BRINGING UP CHILDREN

What is the ideal way to bring up a child? What are the ideal teachings that the child should undergo? What are the ideal things to preach to a young one? What are the ideal values that should be instilled in the child?

My opinion : Stop being idealistic and be realistic!

The Conflict : Being true to yourself and your qualities and not projecting what you are not and yet, telling the child with love what the qualities of a good human being are.

What it actually is :  What I am, my child will be!

If I am an abusive parent, I cannot teach my child to be a calm and pleasant talker.

If I don’t have good principles in life, I cannot preach my expectations to my child.

If I have not been a good child to my parents, I cannot expect my children to worship me.

Just like how a child understands genuine and fake affection, over time he/she will also understand whether the parent is true to himself/herself or just projecting an ideal self to enforce it on the child.

                                               

PREACHING AND TEACHING

I preach – I give an impression that I am a perfect person and I am allowed to do it and I expect the same from the child.

I teach – I say I also have flaws in me. Everyone does. It is ok to do wrongs, but this is the right way to do it. (the more successful approach)

As children grow up, they obviously see our flaws and that’s when they get confused. The fear of expressing his/her weakness or shortcomings creates a powerful negative impact and the mind is scarred for life.  So, the child also thinks projecting different versions in front of different people is ok. This is the worst damage to a child’s personality.

Who is impacted?      The ideal parent?     Or the disturbed child?

Why do we see so many cases of Drugs, Vape, criminal instincts in youngsters? That probably gives them the solace and peace, that does not exist in the home atmosphere. I recently watched this movie called “ANIMAL” and I have not been able to really register and digest that these kinds of movies are given permissions for release! How on earth does a murderer have the audacity to say that he is not a murderer! Such a bad influence on young minds! And after all, it turned out that the young Ranbir Kapoor did not get that fatherly love and attention and his future was destroyed because of him wanting to prove himself to his father!

                                         TIME TO CHANGE!

Am I an ideal parent? Have I been a perfect child to my parents (by parents.., I mean both mum and dad ; not the patriarchal society)  Am I an ideal spouse? Do I possess all ideal qualities expected of me in my entire circle? Am I a package??

CERTAINLY NOT!

 I have miserably failed in some areas, I am great in some qualities, I possess some good values too! Such is the creation of every individual on this earth.

A good human being is what this world needs, more than an ideal one.

What we give the child only shows up as he/she grows up!

"I used to be like this", We never did this in our childhood", “We never questioned anything when we were young" and so on are the common lines children hear from us. This is the last thing they want to hear. Everything around them has practically changed from generation to generation. Instead, they want us to hear them out, without judging them and be there for them. 

"In essence, children are keen observers who glean valuable lessons from our actions. While they may veer off course from time to time, I firmly believe they will navigate back to the right path, reminiscing about instances such as, 'My mom used to handle things this way,' or 'My dad used to do that.' These reflections serve as poignant reminders to us parents that our presence and influence are deeply cherished."

P.S : I only write based on my experiences.